


Sunshine Riptide

by blackpink_trash_queen



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mentions of Anxiety, One Sided Love, but heavily implied yundong, but only very briefly - Freeform, no end game couples
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-23 17:19:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13792449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackpink_trash_queen/pseuds/blackpink_trash_queen
Summary: Sometimes it's easier to say he's okay than it is to try and explain what's going on in his head.But Yunhyeong can see past the fake smiles and empty laughter and knows that Donghyuk is only putting on a front. And he just wants Donghyuk to let him in, even if it's just a little bit.





	Sunshine Riptide

**Author's Note:**

> hello~ here is the yundong angst i promised, and man. I am sorry to all of the YunDong shippers.... but i promise i love these boys <3 
> 
> (also this is something that actually happened to me with a friend of mine)

Donghyuk let out a deep sigh as he finally broke through the crowd of bodies threatening to drown him in the smell of sweat and cheap liquor. His body buzzing slightly from the shots he had let Jinhwan convince him were a good idea.

He looked around, searching for Jinhwan as he walked towards the stairs. His stomach dropping when he saw him dancing with some girl, his arms around her waist and his face pressed to her neck.

Donghyuk took a deep breath, willing himself not to cry in the middle of a room full of strangers. He should have known better. This always happened.

He let Jinhwan drag him to a party, Donghyuk telling himself that it would be different. That tonight it wouldn’t hurt to see Jinhwan dance with someone that wasn’t him, even though he knew full well that that wasn’t true. Donghyuk had been in love with Jinhwan from the night he had first met him.

He had been there when Donghyuk’s ex had cheated on him, ironically at another party, and had helped him pick up the pieces and learn to smile again.  Jinhwan had made it so easy to fall in love with him.

With his charming smile, and stupid jokes that were so bad they were actually kind of funny. But more than those things, Donghyuk fell in love with the way Jinhwan was so confident in himself, and the way he never let anyone bring him down. He had a way of effortlessly blending in, while standing out at the same time.

And he thrived on it. Jinhwan lived for the attention, for the way people praised him. And Donghyuk was jealous of that.

Donghyuk wanted so badly to be brave enough to be bold, and to put himself out there and have people love him. But he was also terrified of letting anyone get close to him again, letting someone into his heart only to have them rip it out and leave it on the ground while they moved on as if none of it meant anything to them.

That fear, of being loved and happy, and then being left again, kept him from so much. It kept him from having any real meaningful friendships. It kept him from letting anyone really see who he was. He tried to tell himself that he was okay with this, that he was okay with letting everyone see him as the party person, always at Jinhwan’s side, surrounded by people, laughing. Even if he never meant any of it. Donghyuk had let himself get comfortable this way.

It was easier, to let everyone think he was outgoing and fun and loud, than to let them see that he would much rather be in his room curled up with a book or binge watching some nerdy show on netflix. Or even by himself, dancing in one of the studios where no one could judge his art. Donghyuk would just rather be alone. And he knew they wouldn’t like that Donghyuk very much.

So he took another deep breath, preparing himself for the onslaught of sensations that were awaiting him in the middle of the room where everyone was still dancing, unaware of his internal conflict. He was just about to make his way to Jinhwan when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket, his mind instantly pulled away from the people around him, smiling when he saw who the text was from.

_Yunhyeong: check in time, where are you?_

_Donghyuk: living room, u?_

_Yunhyeong: backyard by the pool, Jinhwan?_

Donghyuk frowned, looking back up to see Jinhwan still wrapped around the nameless girl. His heart giving a violent squeeze in his chest as he secretly hoped it was him that Jinhwan was looking at like that. Like the planets revolved around his body and Jinhwan couldn’t help but be pulled in by Donghyuk’s gravitational pull.

_Donghyuk: don’t know, I lost him a while ago._

Donghyuk closed his eyes, slipping his phone back into his pocket as he turned towards the back of the house, already moving to where he knew Yunhyeong was.

Donghyuk let the endless drone of the music fade to nothing more than background noise as he pushed through the ocean of bodies blocking his way. He could feel the onset of anxiety begin to swell in his chest, making him slightly desperate to be outside and away from everyone else.

It wasn't until he finally made it to the backyard, and the cool summer night air hit his face, that Donghyuk felt himself actually relax. His lungs greedily sucking in air as the fog in his mind began to clear. He looked around, already seeking out Yunhyeong as his feet carried him further into the yard.

Donghyuk let out a breath of relief when he saw him. Yunhyeong was alone, sitting on the ground with his feet in the pool, a half empty beer sitting beside him as he looked down at his phone, a worried look on his face. Donghyuk couldn’t help but smile at how effortlessly comfortable Yunhyeong looked being by himself.

In a lot of ways, Yunhyeong was the opposite of Jinhwan. He never needed to be the center of attention, even though people seemed to gravitate towards him on their own. Yunhyeong never sought out attention though.

He wasn’t loud, or extremely rowdy, despite being best friends with Jinhwan. And he always looked perfectly at ease to be by himself. He didn’t care what people thought of him. And he didn’t care if people thought he was boring when he left parties early. And there was a part of Donghyuk that longed to just not care the way Yunhyeong didn’t care.

But he pushed that thought out as he snuck up on Yunhyeong. Laughing when he jumped slightly as Donghyuk sat down next to him.

“Jesus, can you learn to make a sound? You’re gonna give me a heart attack someday!” Yunhyeong jokingly clutched at his chest as Donghyuk reached down to pull his shoes off and roll his jeans up just enough so that he could put his feet in the water.

“But that wouldn’t be nearly as fun as watching you almost fall into the pool.” Donghyuk laughed, reaching out to take a sip of Yunhyeong’s beer.

Yunhyeong smiled as he watched Donghyuk from the corner of his eye. “Look at me, being a bad example and letting you drink underaged. I am corrupting the world’s youth!”

Donghyuk laughed, choking slightly on the beer as he swallowed. “Well if it makes you feel any better, Jinhwan and I did shots earlier, so I think he corrupted me first.”

“Of course he did.” Yunhyeong laughed, but it sounded shallow to Donghyuk.

“You okay? I haven’t seen you much lately.” Donghyuk said, leaning his head against Yunhyeong’s shoulder as he gently kicked his feet in the water and closed his eyes.

Being around Yunhyeong always made Donghyuk feel calm and tethered. He was the Yin to Donghyuk’s Yang, always keeping his feet on the ground when he felt like he was going to drift away.

“I’m okay, just not really feeling this party is all.” Yunhyeong scooted closer to Donghyuk, making it easier for Donghyuk to settle against him. He always knew when Donghyuk needed to be close to someone, and was always more than happy to oblige his clinginess. “How about you sunshine, how are you doing?”

Donghyuk felt the panic in his chest make itself known again.

He always dreaded being asked how he was. Partly because he felt like no one wanted to hear the truth, but there was another part of him that honestly didn’t know how he was. Some days he was okay, or as okay as he could be considering everything he had been through.

But then there were days where he just, didn’t want to exist anymore. Where everything felt like it was too much at all once and all he wanted to do was stay in bed and sleep. But no one wanted to know that.

When people asked if you were okay, they wanted the simple answer, the one that they could have a solution for. So that’s what Donghyuk did, he gave the simple answer.

“I’m fine, promise! Just kind of don’t wanna be around people right now.” Donghyuk said with a shrug, hoping the ease in his tone would trick Yunhyeong to not read into the last part of his response too much.

Yunhyeong sighed, and Donghyuk could feel the worry coming off of him as if it was a palpable thing. “I hate when you do that.”

“What do you mean?” Donghyuk knew what Yunhyeong meant, but he tried to play it off as he responded with a light laugh. 

Yunhyeong sighed again, turning so he could face Donghyuk and watch his reaction. “When you say you’re fine even though you’re not. When you put on a smile, and laugh, when it’s so clear that you’re not happy, and keep people at arms length instead of letting them in.”

Donghyuk froze, a new wave of panic running through his veins as he looked at Yunhyeong.

On some level, he knew that Yunhyeong was the only person who could see past his fake smiles, and shallow laughter. But it was easier to pretend that he couldn’t, because then Donghyuk didn’t have to face the reality of everything. But in that moment, there was something in Yunhyeong’s eyes that was pleading with Donghyuk to be honest, just for once. And it scared the shit out of him.

He couldn’t remember the last time anyone had looked at him like that. With so much love and affection. It made him feel like maybe, just maybe, someone cared about him. _Actually cared._ Not that fake caring that everyone did. Where they asked if you were okay, but didn’t want to hear you say ‘no’ because they didn’t know how to respond to that.

But the look in Yunhyeong’s eyes gave Donghyuk hope, even if it was small. So he took a chance.

Donghyuk bit at his lip, peeling a patch of dry skin off with his teeth as he took a deep breath. “Because, it’s easier to say I’m okay, then try to make someone else understand what’s going on in my head. And if they don’t get close enough, they can’t hurt me again.”

As the words left his mouth, he felt as if everything stopped spinning and the world had gone silent. The look on Yunhyeong’s face one of shock at the fact that Donghyuk had actually said it. Like he had expected another empty smile and a lie instead of the truth. “Oh Donghyuk-”

“Don’t,” Donghyuk said, his voice cracking as he looked down at the water, “Don’t look at me like I’m broken, or like I’m someone you need to save. I can take that from anyone, but not from you. You’re the only one who doesn’t see me as some fragile thing that needs to be protected from the world. Don’t look at me the way Jinhwan does.”

Donghyuk knew he was crying, could feel the tears slowly running down his cheeks, but he refused to acknowledge it. He just let them fall as he looked at his reflection in the pool as he sat there, silent.

He could feel how hard Yunhyeong was thinking, could feel the worry as he tried to find the right thing to say to Donghyuk.

The only problem though, was that there was no right thing. There never was. There was only ever words of sympathy, and empty promises to be there if he needed someone. He had heard them all before, and gotten his hopes up too many times before to let himself believe those words now.

“You’re not broken, Donghyuk,” Yunhyeong finally said, reaching out slowly to wipe the tears from Donghyuk’s cheeks with the sleeve of his shirt. “You’re you, and you don’t need to be anything more than that. If you’re not okay, then that’s okay. Sometimes we’re not always okay, but that doesn’t make you broken. It makes you human.”

Donghyuk sucked in a sharp breath, trying to stop the fresh tears from falling.

No one had ever told him that before. That it was okay to not be okay. It was always a mix of “oh, well, you’ll get through it!” or “ have you thought about getting help to be okay?” Which in theory, was nice, but it never made him feel better. It typically made him feel worse because it made him feel like there _was_ something wrong him that needed to be fixed.

Donghyuk was about to say thank you, or tell Yunhyeong he loved him, and was glad they were friends, but didn’t get the chance as Yunhyeong got up.

“Come on, I’m not in much of a party mood anymore.” Yunhyeong smiled, reaching his hand out for Donghyuk’s as he spoke. “We can go back to my room and watch a movie and eat pizza.”

Somehow, Yunhyeong had known exactly what Donghyuk had needed in that moment, and Donghyuk knew that the next time Yunhyeong asked, he would be honest and tell him how he really was. Even if there was no easy answer to fix it, because he knew Yunhyeong cared.

**Author's Note:**

> again, i am sorry for this pain. but i hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
